Did you cry?

I found myself this morning thinking through the redemptive work that the Holy Spirit brings about in our hearts and how we can so quickly control and contain it. Without getting all theological about it (I have a friend who would love to "debate" me on this I'm sure) I find it very very easy to stop the Holy Spirit's work in my life. I do this by "hardening my heart" either purposely as a defense mechanism or subtly through something I'm holding onto that drives a wedge between us. This can be something as simple as "I don't want to think about that right now" or complicated like being too busy. Yet ALWAYS - and this is James specific here - certain triggers knock my heart wide open even if only for a second and give God the ability to paint over a blemish or two (or more) before I curl back up and continue on what I was doing.

For you that trigger may be different, but for me that trigger is (surprise, surprise) Music. Not all music mind you, but some music. I'm not so naive or bold as to say that music always has the same effect on everyone, but I believe music does have a strong propensity for that result, especially in the right circumstances. There are a couple of songs particularly that do this to me and one of them I'm singing (God willing) this Sunday. We'll see if I can make it through without tears.

What's funny to me is that most of the time I'm quite emotionally detached. I've had professional training in Emotional Intelligence (I do have a day job) and it's trained me to be pretty aware of how I'm feeling at any given point in time. I observe myself to be sensitive and empathic but I'm not generally sympathetic. In other words, I'll hug you and offer/provide support if you tell my your father died but I probably won't tear up. It probably wont effect my emotional state but it would definitely effect my actions with you. See Empathy - basically things don't generally prompt an emotional response from me but I do perceive and recognize the emotional response of others. In addition to the sadness example, I don't really get angry either.

So it's interesting that, knowing that about myself, I have these triggers that do open me up. And did I mention we're singing one of them Sunday? Will you cry with me?

The significance of this morning and the reason for me thinking through this is that the ministry weighs heavier on us sometimes more then others and one of those times is now (and I'm not even a full timer). I found that when my heart is unguarded and I'm singing at the top of my lungs putting all the invisible weight of what's around me into the sonic pressure produced by air ripping past my vocal chords, I became sympathetic. I cried for a friend.

In a way, and here's my point, that was God telling me that our job as worshipers is to allow Him to change our hearts and to prepare ourselves for the change that will bring about in our person, albeit usually we limit that to a temporarily situation. I don't think I'll suddenly be a sympathetic gushy person and cry during Titanic but I do think the Holy Spirit rearranged some things and that we got so close that I felt God grieve over something. It was music that unlocked this and while I won't say that every shiver during a building chorus is from him, I also refuse to say it isn't.

What's your trigger? And do you think that you should spend more time around it?